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Guide
When to start dating after your spouse dies
There’s no correct number of months or years. Here’s a calm look at the questions that tend to help, written for people who are asking “is it too soon?”
You can read this without joining anything. If you do join, it’s free to start.
The short answer
You’ll know better than anyone else
People who ask how long after a spouse dies they should date are really asking for permission. So, plainly: there is no official timetable, and nobody else can tell you the right moment. Some people feel ready quite soon. Others take many years. Some decide not to date at all, and that’s a perfectly good choice.
What tends to matter more than the calendar is how you feel when you picture it. Curious? Relieved? Terrified? Guilty? People often feel several of these at once.
Ready?
Signs you might be ready to look
None of these is a test, and you don’t need all of them. They’re just things people often describe.
You miss company, not only the person
You’d like someone to share a meal, a joke or a film with.
You can talk about them without being overwhelmed
You can mention your late spouse with warmth, even if it still hurts.
You’re curious rather than escaping
You’re interested in meeting people, not trying to fill a hole.
You feel you’ve got something to give
You’re thinking about what you could bring to a friendship or relationship.
Not yet?
Signs you might want to wait
- You’re hoping someone will replace the person you lost
- Thinking about dating makes you feel sick or panicky, rather than nervous
- You’re being pushed by others, and you aren’t sure it’s your wish
- Grief is still taking up most of your days
Waiting isn’t failing. You can come back to the idea whenever you like. If grief is feeling overwhelming, talk to your GP, a counsellor or a bereavement support service. Dating can sit alongside that support, but it isn’t a replacement for it.
Family and friends
Other people will have opinions
Children, in-laws and friends may react in different ways: relief, worry, sadness, or silence. Their reactions are about their own grief as well as yours. You don’t need their permission, but you may want to give them time.
Some people find it easier to tell one trusted person first, then take it from there. You decide how much to share and when. It’s okay to say “I’m just having coffee with someone” before it becomes anything bigger.
About guilt.
Feeling guilty about enjoying someone’s company again is very common. It doesn’t mean you’re doing something wrong, and it doesn’t mean you loved your spouse any less.
Starting gently
A few small first steps
Begin with company
Friendship is a gentle way in. See widow friendship if that sounds right.
Look before you speak
On Widowed Mingle you can join free and simply read profiles. You don’t have to message anyone.
Keep safe
Go slowly, stay in the site’s messages until you feel sure, and never send money to anyone. Our safety page has the details.
Whatever your age, there are pages for younger widowed people, those over 50, those over 60 and widowers.
Common questions
Is there a minimum time to wait?
No. There’s no rule we can point to, and we’d be wary of anyone who claims there is. Some people are ready sooner, some later, and some never want to date again.
What if I feel guilty?
That’s very common. It tends to ease with time, and talking to a friend, a counsellor or a bereavement service can help.
What if I change my mind halfway through?
That’s fine. You can pause, take a break, or leave. Nobody here is keeping score.
Do I have to be on a dating site to start again?
No. Meeting people through friends, clubs or activities is just as valid. Widowed Mingle is one option, and you can join free to see if it suits you.
No rush. Look around when you’re ready.
You can read, browse and decide later. A free profile commits you to nothing.
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